Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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