I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
