speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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