the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
