I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
