you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
