i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
