it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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