I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
