Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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