Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
