I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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