I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
