Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
