Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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