dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
