also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
