Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
