my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
