Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
