Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
