My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
