No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
