The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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