I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
