I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
