Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
