oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
