Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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