Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize