how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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