I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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