If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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