She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The power of my boobs compel you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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