My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
