I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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