I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
