Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
