Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
