Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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