if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
