Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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