the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
