Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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