New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
