I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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