It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
