I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
