just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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