i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
