He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
