Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
