I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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