batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
