I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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