why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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