We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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