I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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