I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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