She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
