He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
