Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
