You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
