she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
