That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
