Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
