new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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