If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"