I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.