Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
