update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
