I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.