I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
