Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
