He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
