Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
