he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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